Letter to M

Dear M,

Last Christmas, I invited you to celebrate with my family because you had to spend Christmas alone. I couldn’t bear to have you spending Christmas alone just because the rest of your family went back to your hometown leaving you behind. It has been ages since I’ve last seen you. You seemed to be doing very well and I was happy for you. I was so excited to introduce you to my new friends for I knew we could all get along just fine. And so, it was true. We got along just fine. They were very friendly and very welcoming as usual. The night before Christmas we had quite a meeting and I was so glad you fit into the picture perfectly.

Then came Christmas day itself. All my other friends came and it has also been so long since I have last seen them. To me, I had a lovely Christmas because all my friends and you and my family, who came all the way from Borneo, were there with me. Even the thought of it was heartwarming. I never told you this but I met up with our best friend while I went back to Borneo for a few days. She told me everything. The part where you said I didn’t make any effort to introduce you to other friends, that I was so ashamed of introducing you to them, that I cared about my newer friends more than my older friends, that you weren’t offered any place in the hotel room just to hang your towel, that whenever you talked to me I focused more on my phone than you, that you will never trust me like before, that you wouldn’t wanna spend Christmas with any of your friends anymore and that you told your sister about it and how she said she ‘knew something like this was gonna happen’.

I sometimes wondered why you never confronted these things to me. Was it possibly because you realized in the end that I DID introduce you to my friends (because they said I did), that I wasn’t ashamed of you because you know me well enough that I’m not the type of person to be ashamed of anything (seriously dude), that I do care about my older friends because if I didn’t I wouldn’t even think of asking you to spend Christmas with my family and I, that you could’ve just opened your bloody mouth and tell me that you didn’t have any place for your towel because I’d sure as hell take down my towel for you (I wouldn’t mind because it was a small matter after all) or that I was facing my phone more than facing you because you were simply too engrossed in bragging about yourself (you never realized this, did you?). And your sister – I’m sorry but has always been against me ever since the beginning. If she ‘knew something like this would happen’ then maybe she would’ve thought twice about leaving you behind. Your sister’s a smartass. Just because she’s older doesn’t mean she is to be respected. It doesn’t work that way. Respect is not dependent of age but of how you treat other people, even those younger than you. Sure it’s inevitable that everybody has opinions of others but it’s a choice to speak your mind and to whom you announce it to. It’s really sad to see how such an educated person like your sister is so judgmental, stereotypical and hypocritical. I’m sure as you all were growing up you have come across the advice that it’s simply wrong to judge people, right?

In conclusion, nobody’s perfect. Not me, not you and most importantly, not even your sister.

Love,
B

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Feeling : Crappier than the crappiest crap.

There are a million ways to console a person who’s been under the weather lately. You see a little boy cry because his friends doesn’t want to include him in their little game – you give him a lollipop so he’d feel better; you see your friend’s family member attending their mother’s funeral – you offer her a hug to give her assurance; you see your best friend slowly losing herself as she drowns herself with self-loathing and her insecurities – you remind her why she’s so special and how lucky you are to have her as your best friend.

What you DON’T do is to want to make things worst than it already is. Empathy and sincerity are the two essential factors one needs to include if he or she is to want to console someone else. You don’t go around and compare yourself to their situation – like, “You know, you should be grateful that you don’t have to go through all the shit I’ve gone through because I’ve had worst than you,”. Yeah, for some people, this ‘technique’ works. Believe me, it works on me too sometimes. But what if every time you face a problem and you let it all out, your problem gets compared to again; so you’re telling me what I’m going through now is nothing compared to yours, and that I’m foolish and weak to go through what I’m going through? That I don’t deserve to feel this way sometimes? So what if I haven’t gotten it as bad as you? I have a right to feel sad too, don’t I? Why can’t you just empathize with me and just listen to the whole story first before coming to a conclusion? If you don’t have the sincerity to want to console me, please don’t stick around in the first place.

For the people that are simply amazing at being AMAZING, thank you. You know exactly all the right words to say because you empathize. You console someone with sincerity, patience and wisdom. You are the light at the end of the tunnel. You are that blink of hope when I look up at the night sky glittered with stars.

We deserve to feel sad too sometimes. We may not have a death sentence or a parent dying, but we all have our own stories to tell. Of course, we choose what makes us sad but sometimes even the strongest person needs to feel that emptiness and sadness once in awhile, and all they might want is for someone to just listen, understand and acknowledge.