Letter to M

Dear M,

Last Christmas, I invited you to celebrate with my family because you had to spend Christmas alone. I couldn’t bear to have you spending Christmas alone just because the rest of your family went back to your hometown leaving you behind. It has been ages since I’ve last seen you. You seemed to be doing very well and I was happy for you. I was so excited to introduce you to my new friends for I knew we could all get along just fine. And so, it was true. We got along just fine. They were very friendly and very welcoming as usual. The night before Christmas we had quite a meeting and I was so glad you fit into the picture perfectly.

Then came Christmas day itself. All my other friends came and it has also been so long since I have last seen them. To me, I had a lovely Christmas because all my friends and you and my family, who came all the way from Borneo, were there with me. Even the thought of it was heartwarming. I never told you this but I met up with our best friend while I went back to Borneo for a few days. She told me everything. The part where you said I didn’t make any effort to introduce you to other friends, that I was so ashamed of introducing you to them, that I cared about my newer friends more than my older friends, that you weren’t offered any place in the hotel room just to hang your towel, that whenever you talked to me I focused more on my phone than you, that you will never trust me like before, that you wouldn’t wanna spend Christmas with any of your friends anymore and that you told your sister about it and how she said she ‘knew something like this was gonna happen’.

I sometimes wondered why you never confronted these things to me. Was it possibly because you realized in the end that I DID introduce you to my friends (because they said I did), that I wasn’t ashamed of you because you know me well enough that I’m not the type of person to be ashamed of anything (seriously dude), that I do care about my older friends because if I didn’t I wouldn’t even think of asking you to spend Christmas with my family and I, that you could’ve just opened your bloody mouth and tell me that you didn’t have any place for your towel because I’d sure as hell take down my towel for you (I wouldn’t mind because it was a small matter after all) or that I was facing my phone more than facing you because you were simply too engrossed in bragging about yourself (you never realized this, did you?). And your sister – I’m sorry but has always been against me ever since the beginning. If she ‘knew something like this would happen’ then maybe she would’ve thought twice about leaving you behind. Your sister’s a smartass. Just because she’s older doesn’t mean she is to be respected. It doesn’t work that way. Respect is not dependent of age but of how you treat other people, even those younger than you. Sure it’s inevitable that everybody has opinions of others but it’s a choice to speak your mind and to whom you announce it to. It’s really sad to see how such an educated person like your sister is so judgmental, stereotypical and hypocritical. I’m sure as you all were growing up you have come across the advice that it’s simply wrong to judge people, right?

In conclusion, nobody’s perfect. Not me, not you and most importantly, not even your sister.

Love,
B

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The tale of two beauties.

There used to be two flowers that grew under a big oak tree just across the open field that stretched from my little cottage. These two flowers were of the rarest kinds. They grew flower petals that were the colour of the sunset – yellow, purple, pink, orange – all blended into a colour of hope, wonder and ecstacy. They were so magnificent that you can spot them straight from the windows of my cottage. They were the two beauties of the valley. They existed as one.

On the Friday of the third week of November, I noticed something different. I didn’t know how long it has been that another flower grew between the two beauties. From far away, that flower was as striking as the two but the colour of the petals were different – they were a mixture of red, blue and a tint of purple here and there. The mixture summed upĀ  essences of bold, strong and mysterious all into one.

I was so used to gazing upon the two flowers that now, with a third one sprouting out of nowhere let alone being in between the two, the view was odd. The combination of colours of the three flowers were somehow not in balance. A number of days had passed when one day, I decided to walk across the field towards the big oak tree. Upon reaching, I noticed the most peculiar thing.

One of the beauties and the bold one had produced a new offspring just next to them. It was exquisite. It grew into a colour of rainbow – fun, quirky and lively. It was such a lovely view to witness at that time that I had completely forgotten about the other flower. When I turned my head, I saw it. The other flower had wilted. Its once before colours were drained out from the petals and it has lost every ounce of life in it.

It was gone.

The thing is, it didn’t fit into the picture anymore. It’s existence was overcast by the shadows of the bold one. It no longer belonged and it never will. It will never be the same again because time has changed everything. They will never exist as one anymore.

Thing is, you can’t change what time does on you whether you like it or not. But what you can do is to adapt. You may not be one person’s priority anymore and you may not be able to be as close anymore but that’s okay. You can adapt. We’re humans. It’s in our nature.

It has been..

so long since my last post. I’ve been dying to update my blog but I was just too busy. I just started my first degree not too long ago (September) and ever since, life has been throwing lemons at me from every angle. Dentistry is one really tough course where classes start at 8am and finishes at 6pm everyday with lunch breaks in between which only last for about 45 minutes. We have seven subjects, minus the compulsory subjects by the university with which I think are not even the slightest bit important, covered for dentistry. Anatomy, physiology, biochemistry, microbiology, pathology, pharmacology and oral biology. These subjects are to be taught to us until the second year of our course. The biggest challenge actually is the limited time for us to study everything. Every chapter for every subject is taught for every hour – one whole chapter per hour, everyday. Don’t matter how short that chapter is or how freaking long it is, you still need to complete the whole thing in an hour. Then by the time you come home, you have dinner, do the laundry, do some assignments, you’ll already be dead tired. You want to revise but then you’re only able to revise for ONE subject – or half at least. Saturdays and Sundays are supposed to be for chilling out and to catch up on subjects that weren’t revised, right? Wrong. Apparently, Saturdays are occupied for co-curriculum activities every week and Sundays are sometimes occupied for extra activities held by either the faculty or the university itself.

However, despite having such a hectic schedule when it only has been two months when I first started, I kinda enjoy it. I mean, I do get stressed out and start ranting and all but then I’m really passionate about what I’m taking. Dentistry has been my first choice since, well, not too long ago – it was when I first got my braces… last year. I remember being so clueless about what I wanted to pursue. Mom and dad were both telling me to go for Pharmacy which I simply complied because all I was thinking about was to complete my foundation in science and take up any degree to start a living. I knew I didn’t like pharmacy but I didn’t know what else to do. Then one day, I went to get my braces done. As the dentist was trying to put the braces on me, it hit me right then and there that, I want to be a dentist. Passion is the only thing that’s keeping me going. Of course this doesn’t only apply to me but to everyone out there. When you have the passion for something, you’re able to do anything. Passion, sheer hard work, creativity, confidence and a little bit of luck.

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Meant to love but not meant to be.

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Because it's just not meant to be.

How often it is that we tend to fall in love with someone but never having the chance to actually be with that someone; being fully aware of our own feelings but never able to satisfy the thirst of being with the other just because life does not permit; to be tied up with “fate”. We can simply say life isn’t fair, right? That’s the thing about life : One moment you’re riding a smooth path towards your dreams and desires and then BAM! life beats you to it; the next thing you know, you’re falling so fast like a meteor finding it’s way to the grounds of the Earth.

I have dreamt of fairytale romance scenarios coming to life and happening to me countless times. Being a firm believer of true love – because I’m a hopeless romantic, I have always believed that the first person I fall for will be my one. Sadly to say, my first was an asshole. However, right after him, there was another guy. A wonderful, caring and amazing guy. In truth, it was because of him, my break-up with the asshole was so so SO much more bearable. Mr. Wonderful was there for me since day 1 when my then relationship was beginning to shed some light on me – of Mr. Asshole.

That year when Mr. Asshole was out of my life for good, was also a really trying year for me. Disaster after disaster happened and I can say, I really felt as if I hit rock bottom at the time. It was overwhelming. I changed schools, got into an accident, dealt with family problems and the list goes on and on. Well, he was there. All the way. He admitted that he liked me and so did I. But we never actually had the chance to be together. It just… didn’t happen. There were quite a number of times when I kept thinking of the ‘what ifs’. There was also a point where I got really upset that I’m going to watch him leave for further studies somewhere overseas. Katy Perry’s song “The One That Got Away” was on repeat for God knows how many times while I was in the room crying my eyes out. We eventually talked about it one night through the phone and concluded that we didn’t think the relationship would work out anyway due to the long distance. It would only end up hurting us both.

I still keep in touch with him though; he has someone now and she seems to be really sweet and wonderful – just like him – and is able to be kept close to him. I am perfectly happy with my boyfriend now too. And call me cheesy (I know I am) but, I dare to bet on this one that we’ll last a long time. I guess when it’s not meant to happen, it won’t – even if you were THIS close – because that’s life. And most of the time, the outcome is simply… unpredictable and magical.